YO.

Nothing is gonna make things change. I'm not asking them to. I'm just wondering if they will. I wonder if people understand at all, if anything...



If anything I've tried helped in the very least, but I guess I might as well finally actually try to bring my walls down.I don't mean in a sentimental -OMG I need help- sort of way, but in a I should do something way

Thanks Jesse...

maybe by The Last name? Sorry If It bother's U (but My youtube channel -yes, Youtube channel- is linked to this and I'm no comfortable sharing your last name here because it's not mine to share here)

Thank you. I don't think you will ever understand because chances are you won't ever read my personal blog but still,

            Thanks.

The Gazebo

I know I'm a little late to the conversation about the future of American teens, but that sort of thing happens if you have other things to do. It came to me while having a cigarette and coffee by the gazebo. And I by no means got there alone. I was talking to the wonderfully nice college kids in the gazebo and lo and behold we came to the clear conclusion that much of suburban America (America referring to the United States) is fairly boring and to escape the mind-numbing nothingness, a lot of the youth partakes in "Drugs". Now, by drugs I mean illegal hallucinogens or anything in the general vicinity including MDMA, "Molly", ecstasy, heroin, pep-spice, LSD, etc.

See? That's the thing! When a country such as the U.S. being the cultural power of the world (I'm using this loosely) gets to a point where it feels it's at the top, then the citizens feel like they don't need to do anything. They don't need to produce or anything of the sort and manage to find new obsessions like hoarding, being addicted to social websites etc. Because nothing cool ever happens, suburban America becomes this cookie cutter wasteland where almost nothing changes. And when nothing changes, life or at least the feeling of life spirals into oblivion! or so I think it might feel.

Suburban America needs a new goal, something to look forward to, to actively search for. I guess. Be productive. Do, SOMEHING. ANYTHING but that.

Batman Sucks.

I’ve always said that batman sucks. Never tried to hide it, never reconsidered it, I simply didn’t like him. I’ve always acknowledged that the movies are great, very well made, good, plot, fantastic production… but as I was watching The Dark Knight Rises, I had an epiphany. It all of a sudden became clear to me why  I don’t like Batman as an  entity, as a brand. Why it irks me. I dislike it not on a basic, comic based-superhero level, but a very personal level.

Batman, the storyline, the character, the plots and problems to overcome: they’re all very plausible, very human, very real. It takes the bad, the good, the grim, the tragic and the morally questionable from reality and becomes this constant reminder of what we are and how bad it could get. This is a man who got his parents killed in front of him. We all know that this is something that breaks a person, something that completely cracks their character and breaks their soul, making it the central theme to their existence. I take Batman, or at least the Dark Knight Rises, as a faint hyperbole of the world, more specifically of our present day existence. It’s a reminder of our unstable world ready to leave us at a state of overwhelming helplessness and vulnerability reducing us to torture guided by our most primal selfish instincts.

I must say I was troubled at the thought of agreeing with the infamous League Of Shadows -- we do need a substantial reduction of people in the world. And in retrospect when I see all the faces of those children that die everywhere because someone brought them into the world guided by ignorance or the selfishness of irresponsible sex because of its pleasure, then I understand why someone would feel so strongly about it. But the fact that these characters think that they are the evil that’s not so much a small part of human existence but necessary and needed to balance the world; to swipe the world clean so everything that must grow can in fact grow, worries me because I see this as a very likely and at times not-so-farfetched reality that we’re stepping into. I am all for social media and the world being connected because that is how Libya found international support and KONY 2012 got spread, but the internet awards an uncanny false sense of worth to everybody’s opinion making them believe that just because their voice is heard and they have an audience they’re all-of-a-sudden right.  The fact that I can see an international army of League of Shadow followers rise before my eyes overnight on the internet frightens me.

This is just one of the things that deeply disturb me about the dark knight rises. Aside from the Hollywood-esque logic regarding unstable nuclear constructions being manhandled, and Bruce Wayne surviving an atomic explosion, I don’t like the fact that catwoman is a burglar because it was either that or prostitution, that because of it she automatically gets a free pass to be a total backstabbing bitch, I don’t like the fact that they’re further tainting the image of middle-easterners, and I don’t like that Batman is such an attention (for the sake of using the whole phrase) whore.

Basically, realized that I don’t like Batman, not for the plot or the lack of superpowers as I seem to claim, but more so how close it hits to home and how it reminds me, personally, of how much disappointment I have towards humanity. I dislike the internal turmoil it ignites in my head battling between the morally questionable proposal of a pandemic as population control versus killing my loved-ones' loved-ones. I don't like the fact that people kill because they think it's the right thing to do, or the fact that when faced with power, we don't act differently than the corrupt and dishonest politicians in the movie.

But I don’t see myself getting into this every time I get asked the age-old question:

Batman Or Superman?  So I’ll just stick to “Batman Sucks.”

BLRUNK?

you know? I would be fine... at least I think I would-- if I were to "lose" because I was less... Or because I couldn't or because I don't have any fuckig self-esteem. Im just fucking tired of being overlooked for fucking losers created and nourished by fucking society. Estoy cansada de esos juegos... no como lo estas tu... no cansada de esa manera... de una manera mas honesta, o por lo menos es creo yo. Cansada hasta que no quiero que siquiera me demuestren interes de esa manera tan normal, basica y estupida.

Y bueno, mentira, si quiero ese tipo de atencion... estoy acostumbrada a ese tipo... perdon.


Puta! no mas pedir perdon! ahh! es que fuck...... no mas con rodeos, no mas con jueguitos estupidos y sin fin.. no mas jueguitos de quien gana y quien pierde de quien puede hacer al otro enrtegar mas, mas rapido.... no mas!

I don't wanna play your games. But remember that it always hurts that you, all of you... or simply you, that rude stranger I met a couple weeks ago, allows yourself o be affected by that shallow simple minded- ego less- self-hating people like my ..... them.



FUCK THIS FUCKING WORLD... maybe I'm just a whiny bitch... or maybe I'm on to something.

FUCK

I hate being this confused. I know people don’t understand. They don’t know where to place me in their head so some place me under “quirky” but most put me under weird… seriously...  like the fact that I don’t know who to call when I’m feeling lonely says a lot. Yeah, I can have fun and laughs with a lot. Or alike ALL people but I don’t feel comfortable. There’s a certain apprehension towards them. ID like they want more. Like something more from me that isn’t even in my head. Fuck It... Like always I’m gonna be a retard and look like a fool and call him. Because that's what I used to do when I was sad or lonely. I don’t need him to try to make me feel better, or happier... I simply feel comfortable... home… I guess I felt comfortable with him... now I feel judged. And looked down on. Ahh… My head.  I hate that he does that. That he can DO that.

I don’t necessarily worry about myself or my head or my future... but it always sucks to know that most people aren’t enough. Sometimes I wish I was little again. There was no bad and no harm. No judgment for being imaginative or naïve. No asshole-ery for being open or affectionate. Idk I want to be able to hug people and feel at home. I simply don’t feel at home. But I’m not even sure what home feels like. (not my house most definitely)

Maybe home is something more like walking around the field in 3^rd grade… or giving yourself, entirely to a person…. I want to feel at hope… is he the key..? Fuck… here we go 

Life Is Life... (na na na na nana)

Its hard. You know. To think about the brevity of life. To truly feel that there isn’t enough, that it can happen. Death. To anyone. Anything.

And sure. How you see things depends on what you’re contrasting it to. So fights, and screams and punches may seem like a big deal Rude comments, and diets will matter. That is, until you realize how ephemeral it is. How truly insignificant all the bad things are when looking at the brevity of life. When you compare that to disclosing feelings, and moments and happy thoughts … to life. What matters? What do you want your life to be?

Personally, I choose to keep the laughs, the friends, the hugs and high fives, the trips the falls and pictures of those moments that didn’t really matter until now. You see, human life may seem somewhat insignificant. And when thinking about it, may not have any purpose at all. But you know, if it doesn’t have a purpose. Give it one. Give it the purpose to explore the depths of your relationships, to have a blast at the park and try new things. Maybe break a few laws while you’re at it. Give it the purpose to smile and be happy and share in that happiness. Give it the purpose to create and love. To trust.