Course Of Life

Yes, I realize I haven't written. Nobody reads though... technically there's no pressure, I guess. Until literally the 3 seconds it's taking me to explain I hadn't noticed that what I learned in class applies to my life right now. I hate when that happens, that you simply don't connect, make some kind of twitch in your brain that keeps you in oblivion... The brevity of life. As we have seen in my literature class... as I have seen these past 3 months... Time, so fast, so slow, moments both overwhelming and relaxing at the same time. Sometimes you just need  breather.Time waits for no one and the rushing raging feeling takes over your mind and you suddenly don't know where all time went. That's what John Mayer does for me every time I play his song. It's literally like he is pausing me. I'm aware of everything around me yet i feel completely paused. Like that time for me doesn't matter. Doesn't exist. My heart slows down, I get cold, my chest feels heavy and I start to feel each breath. The way it travels through me into my emotions. Makes me sad, and overwhelmed and in need of a kiss. A hug. Of one of those long stares in which you look into someone's eyes and speak without words. to know that someone else is in existence, in a paused existence. My emotions exude through my hair my eyes my pores, through me.

I'm really gonna miss my brother. I already do. I miss myself, the time already past... me a year ago, me yesterday, my birthdays, the day I fell asleep on the floor, the days in which so many people stayed over that I slept on chairs put together, my first kiss, my first boyfriend, the moment in which I met each person I have ever met, the nights I would go on my roof and watch the stars. I miss watching the stars.

melancholy
                                                           deep breath.